THINGS GRIEVING PEOPLE WISH YOU KNEW

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People are dying left and right, and because of the pandemic, millions of families are suffering from the loss of a loved one…

Grief, pain, anxiety, fear, sleeplessness, depression, feelings of hopelessness—these are but just a few of the things that a grieving person battles on a day-to-day basis.  Just because you see someone get back on his/her usual daily routine doesn’t mean that his mind and soul are also back on track. Just because you see him/her smile or laugh doesn’t mean she is back to her stronger self. No… Actually, to be honest, things are harder than it seems. We grieving people are put on a more challenging situation now that we have to learn to live in the “new normal” of living without that very significant someone who used to be a very vital part of our lives.

While we do understand that well-meaning family and friends are just trying their best to help us recover, there are some things that we wish people outside knew, so they will better understand how we feel, how we are trying our best to live a new life, no matter how broken we are. 

I have interviewed some people and here are some thoughts they would like to share with us (names abbreviated for privacy):

“I’m now a widow and I’m doing the things that 2 people used to do. So, don’t think that I have the luxury of time in my hands. Actually, I don’t.” – S. S.

“Grieving people sometimes wear masks to pretend they are ok when actually they are not.  Others should be sensitive about this.” – M.B.S.

“There is no timetable for grief. It can take a long time, so there should be no expectations.”

“Grieving people need alone time.  Respect this.” – M.A.

“Even if you try to help and it seems that the grieving person isn’t grateful, appreciative, or accepting, do not take it against that person because he is in deep pain and sometimes cannot respond appropriately.” – M.V.A.

“I am doing my best. I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad or miserable or create drama. I am just hurting deeply with a loss of someone I love and don’t know how to cope.” – C. G. A.

“Although it’s been a year or years ago, pain is pain, loss is loss, grief is grief. I don’t plan to feel this way. It just shows up and I have no control over how deeply it will hurt from one moment to the next.” – W. O.

“Please don’t take it personally when I say “No” to your invitation or don’t show up to an event. I just cannot be around people that reminds me of what I no longer have. Just because they are happy does not make me happy. It only adds to the guilt I am feeling on top of the jealousy of wanting what they have.” – C.C.

“Don’t plan big events on my behalf. Please allow me to grieve my own way at my own pace. It’s not just grief that is weighing down on me but there’s also guilt, regret and even memories of joy bring pain. “ – M.C.

“Please don’t stop us when you see us crying, nor to tell us to stop feeling sad. When you see us cry, just let us cry till we feel relieved. We won’t get sick from crying.” – B.A.R.

“Pls be careful in mentioning words like ‘died, namatay, or patay,’ it adds pain to us. Be creative in using synomymous words like ‘passed away, passed on, depart,’ that is more soothing to our hearts.”

“Don’t ever say that my mom was 78 and it is ok for her to go just because she is old. Her age does not diminish her value to me as a mother and a person, so why do you have the nerve to tell me that it’s ok for her to go?”

– Ouch! This is one is a case in point. Actually, this incident happened in the hospital where the daughter was talking to the doctor of the ailing mother. She was deeply offended when she heard the doctor utter, “A, 78 na pala si Mother! Pwede na!” This remark was not only offending, but very insensitive. ☹

These and a lot more are some of the things we wish to convey to you. Though, we greatly appreciate all of your love and efforts to make us feel better.

Deep breaths now…Hugs to all ❤❤❤

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